


Chasing After Your Shadows

by shireidesu



Series: despite everything [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, mostly because blair is very soft in this one, this is significantly more fluffy than i expected it to turn out, which is unhealthy for estelle's heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 08:50:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18117419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shireidesu/pseuds/shireidesu
Summary: It took only three things for Estelle to fall in love with the redhead: a tap on a window, an odd wolf-rabbit creature, and a dark staircase.





	Chasing After Your Shadows

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGi4BJSYbXc

Estelle’s head hurt.

 

 

“I will absolutely not give up that bridge, General!” A middle-aged man, dressed in dark traditional garb of nobility, stood up from his seat with a clatter. Inwardly, Estelle sighed and resisted the urge to rub her temples. _Here we go again._

 

 

“There are other paths that cross the river, Marquess,” replied the General, who stood at the head of the table. He shook his head, frowning, and pointed to the location on the map. Estelle couldn’t be bothered to take a closer look, like all the other nobles did. “This area is difficult to defend, and we cannot keep waiting for an ambush that will most certainly happen through this route. Look here--”

 

 

“But it is the closest pathway over the Silfet,” he interrupted, voice rising in anger. “The only other crossing is four to five days away further by horse, let alone by wagon…!” Marquess Hamilton, Estelle recalled, dealt with their neighbor Siefe for grains, which was a rare but necessary commodity in their country. _Not surprisingly,_ Estelle thought, _the marquess wouldn’t want to increase costs even further_.

 

 

She shifted minutely in her seat and turned her head slightly downwards, letting her attention wander elsewhere (for the sake of her sanity). Her eyes followed the spots of light scattered on the carpet in front of her, watching as they danced around in tiny circles as the wind caressed the branches of the trees. They beckoned her, calling out her name, telling her to run outside, to lie on the grass, to bask in the warm sunlight and gentle breeze.

 

 

But sadly, she was stuck inside this stuffy, plush dungeon, unable to stretch out her legs and arms. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Gareth glance at her. She sighed softly, and subtly waved him away. _And also constantly under watchful eyes, it seems_ , she thought.

 

 

“Why am I even here?” Estelle murmured to herself, as the nobles continued bickering _yet again_. She’d barely provided any contribution to the meeting (she wasn’t even sitting at the table with all of members), what with the General dominating most of the talks. Estelle had attempted to provide some commentary near the beginning, but she had been shot down so many times that she gave up on voicing her thoughts. She’d been up since dawn in this room, and she was pretty sure that by now, she could describe the movements of the lights across the floor as the sun rose into the sky in great detail. The constant arguments were going absolutely nowhere--none of the members wanted to step down against each other.

 

 

 _They won’t notice if I dozed off for a bit, would they?_ Estelle thought, leaning her head back against the window behind her. She wanted dearly to close her eyes, but the General had given her a glare earlier when she had turned her attention to the velvet details of the curtains beside her. Clearly, she could still do wrong when doing absolutely nothing. Feeling irate, she decided if the General had any complaints, he should tell her directly, and promptly shut her eyes for a bit of respite. She wished Gareth would do something about his father, but the knight had remained stubbornly silent throughout the course of day.

 

 

Half-listening, she heard them bickering about the costs of transporting men across the river. The General was the loudest out of all of them, and Estelle could not hear any logical reasoning out of his mouth. _He should just shut up for once so we can all leave for lunch,_ she thought, tapping her finger impatiently on the arms of the chair. The headache was still there, and she felt herself grow increasingly irritated. Their voices were grating on her ears.

 

 

 _Ah, to hell with this_. She straightened herself up and shook herself wide awake. But before she could give her unkind opinion to the members at the table (who were still considering the trade-off between more wheat and more protection; mind you, Estelle was in favor of more wheat, bias against the General aside), she caught sight of the lights moving strangely out of the corner of her eye.

 

 

She stopped abruptly and glanced downwards. A few spots disappeared momentarily before flickering back into existence, as if nothing had happened. _That’s odd_ , she thought. She had been watching long enough to know how the lights had moved for the past hour or so (at least it felt like an hour). _Maybe I’m just that bored_. She leaned back in her seat, sighing. The mild distraction had been enough for her to lose some of her impatience and calm down.

 

 

And then---a light tap! Estelle stiffened in surprise. There, in the corner of one of the larger pools of light on the floor, a shadow crept up slowly into the light.  She watched as the shadow moved across the bottom edge, hesitant but curious. It jumped from light spot to light spot, until it reached the closest one to Estelle. It wasn’t merely a leaf dancing in the wind, she could tell. It wasn’t just another animal either, even if it transformed into an odd shape that looked like a mixture of a wolf and rabbit. Estelle stifled a giggle when it poked at the tip of her feet.

 

 

The wolf-rabbit waved its ears at her in greeting. Smiling broadly, she used her shadows to “pet” the wolf-rabbit atop its head. It hopped in place, seeming pleased at receiving such affection. Estelle watched it wobble from side to side amusedly for a few moments before she joined in with a wolf-rabbit of her own. The wolf-rabbit’s ears pointed up in surprise when it “noticed” Estelle’s shadow. It bounded over towards hers, ears waving excitedly as it got to know it’s new companion. Giddiness bubbled up in her chest when the wolf-rabbit tapped its nose gently against hers. Playfully, she snapped back at the shadow, which only waved its ears in happiness before darting out of the light.

 

 

Estelle glanced around her quickly to make sure no one was watching her. Gareth raised an eyebrow at her when she caught his eye from across the room, and she shook her head . She nudged with her head towards the table, telling him to turn his attention away for a bit. He gave her a disapproving look. _Really?_ He asked. She merely answered him with a smile, to which he gave a sigh, crossed his arms and turned his back towards her.

 

 

Estelle turned slightly, and pulled the curtain away from the window, just enough so she could take a peek outside. She squinted her eyes, trying to see past the glare of the sunlight. Immediately as she did so, a hand blotted out the light, making it easy for her eyes to adjust. And there, just behind the drapes, was exactly who she expected to be there.

 

 

Half-covered in shade, wind-tousled pulled back into a messy ponytail, a warm expression on her face, Blair crouched on the edge of the windowsill. Estelle’s heart skipped a beat in her chest, and she couldn’t help grinning. The former assassin narrowed her eyes and raised her eyebrows, looking not unlike Gareth earlier. _Shouldn’t you be paying attention?_ Estelle merely smiled and showed her the wolf-rabbit gesture. She saw Blair sigh, a wry smile popping on her face.

 

 

Her head tilted to the side, asking her silently “How are you doing?” Estelle lifted her shoulders in a tiny shrug and rolled her eyes. _Ah_ , Blair opened her mouth in understanding. She pondered for a bit, before jerking her head towards the inside of the room. _Shall I do something…?_ Estelle shook her head, but was thankful for the offer  nonetheless. Blair frowned, her lips pursing together.

 

 

It didn’t last long, though. She perked up quickly, and waved at Estelle to move in closer, holding up the wolf-rabbit. Furrowing her eyebrows together in confusion, she obeyed hesitantly. When her forehead barely brushed against the cool glass of the window, she watched as Blair pressed her lips to the tips of her fingers before turning the wolf-rabbit to Estelle. And then--Blair tapped the wolf-rabbit on the glass where her forehead was.

 

 

Estelle felt the blood rush to her cheeks, a hotness begin to swirl in her chest. Flustered, she flinched backwards, but her eyes remained locked on the former assassin’s face. She watched, mesmerized, at the way Blair’s shoulders shook with silent laughter as she pulled her hand back from the glass. She could see the crooked quirk of her lips as she smiled, the kind of smile that Estelle only ever saw when Blair was truly and unabashedly elated. _I want to hear it_ , she thought, dazed by the sight. _I want to hear her laugh like this, loud and clear._

 

 

 _Hang in there, okay?_ Blair mouthed when the laughter finally died down, a teasing grin on her face. Her expression was so, so very warm, and suddenly, Estelle couldn’t bear the ache in her chest and turned away. Her heart was racing in her chest, as though she had just run across the entire country.

 

 

Blair had been like this recently--affectionate and teasing. After that small incident about a week ago, it seemed as though Blair had found an unlock mechanism on her feelings and now Estelle didn’t know what to do sometimes with the flood of unexpected attacks on her heart. She pressed her hands onto her burning cheeks in a vain attempt to cool them off. She let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding and, mentally, she screamed in mortification.  

 

 

“Milady!” Startled, she jumped out of her seat. Hastily, she turned her attention back to the room, only to see that Gareth was standing in front of her, frowning. “Milady, are you alright? You look--”

 

 

“I-it’s quite alright!” She said, still not fully recovered from her fluster. He gave her a dubious look.

 

 

“If you say so, your highness,” he relented. “Would you like me to find you something to eat before your next meeting with the ambassador of Tavlain?” Belatedly, Estelle realized that the other nobles had already begun to pack up and scatter themselves out of the room. The meeting had ended while she had been distracted, and she prayed that none of them had noticed (they totally did, she thought, mortified). She took in a deep breath to calm her heart, and stood up from her seat.

 

 

“I’ll be fine for now, thank you, Gareth,” she said, regaining her composure. “I’m not feeling too hungry right now, but if you want to grab something before I must go, please do.” The knight shook his head.

 

 

“I am fine, milady,” he said. “I have no need for nourishment right now. Shall we head over a bit early, or would you like to go elsewhere?”

 

 

“A bit of fresh air to cool off my head right now would be nice,” she admitted. “I’ve been cooped up in this room for too long.” As if on cue, she yawned. Gareth’s stance appeared to soften.

 

 

“Perhaps that would be a better idea,” he said, smiling. His hand relaxed onto the sword on his hip. “Shall we go to the courtyard for some respite?” He held an hand out, and reflexively she placed hers in his gloved ones. He touched his forehead to her hand briefly. “I hear today’s weather is quite pleasant, it’s a shame that today you won’t have much time outside.”

 

 

“Better some than none,” she said genially. Suddenly, she recalled Blair who she had abruptly cut off communication with. “Ah, wait a moment.” She pulled her hand away swiftly and moved closer to the curtains, pulling them aside.

 

 

Empty. Nothing but the expansive grassy yard was beyond the window. As if Blair had never been there in the first place.

 

 

 _She didn’t have any reason to stay_ , Estelle thought distantly, dropping her hand down to her side. Even if she knew that, there was still a small hollow feeling in her chest. They hadn’t been talking very much lately, she realized. After all, she’d been busy, what with the new alliances with Piedmont’s fiefs. She had been returning to their bedroom late because of that, and usually Blair was fast asleep by then. The mornings were sparse, too, with mostly an exchange of “good morning”s and quiet whispers of “sleep in a bit longer”.

 

 

Vaguely, she heard the knight call her name from behind her.

 

 

“Gareth,, I…” She turned back to him. Her voice faltered, seeing the knowing look on his face. Gareth, however, only sighed and gave her an exasperated smile.

 

 

“Go on,” he said. He used his thumb to point behind him. “I’ll let the ambassador know that something came up.”

 

 

“But…” She hesitated briefly, feeling guilty for relying on him again.

 

 

“You’ll have to find another time to meet up with him, though,” he said. “Hurry up and go before someone catches you.” Estelle felt an immense gratitude towards her knight. He was always willing to indulge her, even when she was making dubious decisions. Nodding, she took his advice and headed straight for the door, as fast as propriety would let her. Before she shut the door however…

 

 

“Gareth,” she called out. He turned around. “Thank you.” He waved a hand at her, shooing her away. With that, she dashed out of the room.

 

 

She ran the hallways, ignoring the looks that she got from the servants as she passed by. She just didn’t care, only wanting dearly to see the former assassin again. She wanted to hear Blair’s laughter again, not just what she saw through the window. She wanted to hear her raspy voice telling her off again in exasperation. _I miss you_ , Estelle realized.

 

 

Estelle knew Blair couldn’t have gone very far in the time that had lapsed. One quick scan from one of the windows overlooking the courtyard confirmed her guesses--she caught a glimpse of the redhead and her shadow as she disappeared behind the corner of the courtyard. _The kitchens?_ Estelle quickened her footsteps, hoping to catch her. She leapt down the stairs and sprinted down the hallways, taking shortcuts to find the fastest way to the former assassin.

 

 

By the time she reached the bottom of the castle, her heart was racing a mile a minute and she felt breathless. Estelle knew she looked like a mess, but she just didn’t care.

 

 

When she finally made it to the bottom of the steps leading to the kitchen, the sound of muffled chattering stopped her in her tracks. She recognized the voices--one was from one of the servants (Leah, she believed), the other was Blair. For some reason, the sound caused her to hesitate, her hand hovering awkwardly over door handle. She stood there for a long while in the dim lit staircase, not quite listening to what they were saying, but rather the sound. Blair sounded cheerful and carefree in the few words that she spoke. It made Estelle feel strangely… lonely?

 

 

When her ears heard the sound of laughter ringing through the door, Estelle panicked briefly and retreated a few steps backwards up the steps. What was she doing here, listening in on a private conversation in this dark staircase? It wasn’t like her to snoop around like this.

 

 

Her back leaned against the stone wall, and she bit her lip. It really wasn’t like her. But she knew what she was feeling, especially with the small trouble she had with last week with Blair. _Is this what you felt like?_ She wondered, finally understanding. _Wanting me to-_

 

 

“What are you--” Estelle whipped her head towards the now-open kitchen door, having not paid attention of when Blair had opened the door. She startled so badly out of her thoughts that, unsurprisingly, she ended up tripping over her own feet in her haste. “Careful!” Blair dashed forward to catch her, scooping her up easily in her arms. Estelle let out a cry of surprise, placing her hands onto Blair’s shoulders to right herself.

 

 

“S-sorry,” Estelle stammered, heart thudding in her chest. After shifting Estelle into a more comfortable position in her arms, Blair let out a sigh of relief.

 

 

“Are you okay?” She asked. Estelle nodded.

 

 

“I wasn’t paying attention,” Estelle said, laughing sheepishly. “Thank you.” Blair gave her a searching look, and Estelle came to the sudden realization that she hadn’t planned what she was going to do once she found Blair. She had been so intent on seeing Blair again, she hadn’t really thought about it. Unaware of the princess’s growing fluster, Blair frowned in confusion.

 

 

“You had a meeting…?” Estelle flushed slightly pink.

 

 

“I do!” She squeaked. She cleared her throat and tried to recompose herself. “I mean, I did. But I--well, Gareth said he’d tell the ambassador. That I wouldn’t make it.” Blair tilted her head questioningly.

 

 

“Was it not important?” Estelle’s face flushed even darker.

 

 

“I--well…” She fumbled around for the right thing to say. “It was and it wasn’t…?” Estelle mumbled, her eyes looking anywhere but Blair’s adorable confused face. Blair waited patiently as Estelle tried to explain her actions, but Estelle couldn’t seem to think properly now, not after being caught off guard like this.

 

 

“Okay,” Blair said simply, not pushing things any further. Estelle shifted slightly, feeling Blair’s gaze on her.

 

 

“Um…” She darted her eyes to and from Blair’s face. Her hands tightened their grip on the fabric of Blair’s shirt, and she averted her eyes. “I can walk now?” Blair hummed, thinking for a bit. But instead of letting her down, she only held Estelle more tightly.

 

 

“I like holding you like this,” Blair said, smiling. “Do you not like it?” Estelle thought that she couldn’t be more embarrassed, but Blair being so straightforward about this…! She struggled to keep herself calm, as her heart nearly exploded from the honest admission. Blair was smiling at her, the same kind that she saw earlier today--that crooked and awkward, but terribly kind grin.

 

 

“I don’t mind it,” She said softly, once she found her voice again.

 

 

“It’s okay for a bit longer then?” Blair asked. Estelle’s heart squeezed tightly in her chest. Unable to look at Blair anymore, she curled her arms around Blair’s neck and pressed herself closer. She shut her eyes and tried to calm her racing heart. She let out a breath, and took in the faint scent of baked bread and spices.

 

 

 _It feels warm and safe with her_ , Estelle thought. There was something about being this close to her that comforted her, moreso than anything else. It made the tiredness and anxiety fade away, as though it had never existed in the first place.

 

 

“I--” She started hesitantly, feeling a bit more courageous now that she wasn’t facing Blair. She felt Blair’s head turn slightly. “I wanted to see you,” she finally confessed, her shoulders slumping. “I guess…” Her voice got quieter. “I realized I missed you today. When you disappeared earlier, I just--” She broke off, not knowing how to explain her feelings. Blair, ever so patient and understanding, did not push for answers and nuzzled her cheek affectionately.

 

 

“I’m here,” Blair murmured softly. Her voice was warm, kind, and gentle. There was something about the way she said the words… Estelle couldn’t quite place it, but it brought a burning warmth in her chest, filling up the tiny gaps that had been eating away at her. She felt silly for feeling so conflicted about all this, especially since Blair was able to wipe away her worries with barely any effort. _Was it this simple?_ She thought.

 

 

Estelle burst into laughter. She couldn’t help it, with all these emotions welling up inside of her.

 

 

“...Estelle?”

 

 

“Sorry, sorry,” she said, pulling back to face Blair properly. “I was being a bit clingy today.” Blair bumped her head against Estelle’s affectionately, and began ascending the staircase.

 

 

“I’m happy,” Blair said, smiling in that crooked yet brilliant way again. She paused in her steps and turned so that they were face-to-face, noses barely touching each other. “Are you?” Estelle’s heart skipped a beat, and there was a a giddiness in her that made her feel like she could do anything. She tightened her hold around Blair’s neck, and she pressed her forehead against Blair’s, their noses side by side.  

 

 

“I am,” she says, a smile splitting across her face. “I’m really, really, really happy.”

**Author's Note:**

> estelle is more of a disaster lesbian than i expected her to be huh. poor thing, she doesn't even realize that blair isn't even doing all of this on purpose


End file.
